Running my own company for almost seven years has allowed me to develop a variety of perspectives on how companies work. I’ve practically fulfilled any C-Suite role that you can think of: CEO, COO, CPO, CIO, CMO, CRO, and others.

I can tell you one thing: it’s complicated.

Even in a small company like mine, each role comes with a different focus, methods, and often different priorities. Even when I get to call all the shots, most decisions are not trivial. There are real conflicts related to opportunities, resources, risks, and short and long-term perspectives.

In your companies, it’s probably much more complex. Services are much more flexible than technology, and being able to do anything in my business (although I don’t, I have the option to) allows for trade-offs that most CEOs can’t make.

The conflict between the product leader and the CEO (and any other executive) is a built-in one. It should be that way. It’s by design.

These different perspectives are the mechanism that allows your company to create a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. 

So why do so many product leaders take these differences personally?

So many times I’ve heard product leaders explaining to me that the CEO doesn’t get it. They struggle to convince them to follow their leadership, and their frustration leads them to either a passive-aggressive disagree and commit or to do the bare minimum to comply with the CEO’s directive while leading their own ideas without them noticing (or at least that’s what these product leaders think).

But that’s not what your CEOs need from you.

Even if they don’t tell you explicitly, most CEOs I’ve worked with want the product leader to become their best partner, not just an order taker.

I know it’s not trivial to build that partnership, especially if you don’t see eye to eye with them. But here is the painful truth: if you don’t become their partners, they will find someone else to take that position. It could be someone else in the C-Suite, a new senior executive to take over product management or strategy, or even someone else to do your job instead of you.

If you don’t want to get there, here are the things you must know and embrace to be able to succeed.

They Don’t Always Get It

As I said, the reality of running a company is not a simple one. There are many real contradictions. There are so many unknowns, especially in tech, that you often need to make what you believe are educated bets. The farther into the future you look, the more things are out of your control, and yet you still need to decide today.

If you feel that your CEO doesn’t get the complexity of things, for example, when they come up with a new idea that would take all of the resources you currently have for something else they wanted, you are probably right.

Getting it all, all the time, is simply impossible. 

Things take time to clarify, and what you know on day one wouldn’t necessarily stand true in a few weeks or months. 

You must understand that they don’t “don’t get it” because they don’t care or don’t know. They can’t fully get it by design. That’s why you and others are there.

But neither Do You

Knowing that your CEO doesn’t get it doesn’t mean that you are the one who does.

I’ll say it again because it is super important: getting it fully is extremely complicated, and your (current) perspective is exactly that: a perspective. It’s different than your CEO’s, but it doesn’t mean either of you are correct.

When you free yourself of this black-and-white thinking of either you or them, you get to start your real job. Unlike what you might think, it’s not about product management. Your real job as a product leader is to help everyone (including you, the CEO, and every other stakeholder who has an additional perspective) develop a joint perspective. That’s the only way to unravel complexities and make hard but smart decisions.

To do that, you must assume that each perspective holds a grain of truth in it. Instead of explaining to everyone else why they are wrong and what they are missing, try to listen to why they are right – from their own perspective. 

A salesperson whose salary depends on the results of this quarter would do everything to win here and now. That’s how sales organizations are built, and it’s not because they are doing anything wrong or, even worse, cannot think otherwise. 

You are probably right that focusing solely on short-term goals is a major risk you want to avoid. You might even see yourself as the gatekeeper for that risk. But if you put yourself in the shoes of the CEO, where all the responsibility is on your shoulders, are you going to easily decide to focus on the long-term goals instead? If you can do both, it’s awesome, but what if you can’t?

You must acknowledge (to yourself first) that the decision is not a simple or easy one to make. That’s the only way to go beyond your single perspective to help everyone align.

It’s Their Job to Set Priorities

The primary source of conflict between product leaders and CEOs is about priorities.

It could be strategic priorities, such as new directions they want you to pursue, or tactical ones, like a specific feature that they want you to deliver.

You must remember that it’s the CEO’s job to set priorities, and it’s ok for them to have their own priorities that are different from yours. 

Instead of avoiding that conflicting view, you must work with it and embrace it. 

When you disagree on priorities, it could be challenging to stay true to your beliefs and maintain a good relationship with the CEO. After all, part of your job is to bring that different perspective and critical thinking into the discussion.

Depending on personal style, I see three anti-patterns product leaders apply when dealing with this conflict: 

The first one is running away from this conflict. These product leaders give up, do what the CEO wants, and often get feedback later on that their leadership is lacking since they are not bringing anything new to the table.

The second one is running into this conflict head-on. These product leaders are involved in endless discussions about why they are right and everyone else is wrong. They would either not move until they convinced everyone or, at some point, revert to a passive-aggressive disagreement and commit. The feedback they get is that they are hard to work with and see things only from their point of view.

The third one, though, is the riskiest. If you fall into this category, you might think that you are nailing it and are able to work with everything relatively well. Product leaders in this category accept the CEO’s perspective as a constraint, something to tackle as a side hustle while leading to where you really want to be. 

The reason it’s the riskiest is because in the third anti-pattern, you probably don’t even realize that you have a problem. But it doesn’t mean that the problem isn’t there.

Think about it from the CEO’s perspective: which one would you prefer?

I can share with you that most CEOs prefer neither, even if it looks like they only want you to do what they tell you. They most likely do so because they don’t see an alternative.

Make Yourself Their Partner

The alternative is to make yourself their true partner.

It starts by making their priorities your priorities. 

If they want you to do something that you can’t do because of the many other things you do (either personally or with the resources you manage), you only have three options: do what’s important to them on top of everything else, cut down on the other things, or consult with them on how to do it all with potential trade-offs. The third one should only come after you have given the first two an honest chance.

Whatever you do, you can’t simply nod, do the bare minimum for them to leave you alone, and go back to minding your own business. That’s not what a partnership looks like.

If you disagree with them on the priorities themselves and have sought why they are right from their point of view (it’s always there, so if you haven’t found it, seek it again), it is time to challenge your own point of view and suggest an alternative one that meets both.

Instead of telling them (explicitly or implicitly) that they don’t get the complexity of what they are asking and, therefore, what they suggest doing wouldn’t work, you should acknowledge what you do agree on. It looks something like this:

“I share your vision and the goal. If I understand correctly, the way you are looking to approach it is X. When I think about X, there is a concern that I wasn’t able to wrap my head around. Here is the concern. What am I missing? Help me understand you fully to make sure I can lead to the results that matter to you.”

Only after you have established that their priorities are your priorities and that you are with them can you start bringing alternatives to the discussion. These alternatives, by the way, shouldn’t just be better now, but themselves should bring you faster to what’s important for the CEO in the first place.When the CEO doesn’t get it, you must first get it yourself. The only way to win is together.