I once coached a very talented senior product manager. He was a good person. One of those that you like working with, the kind who really cares about work and everyone’s success. As we were working through his challenges, he shared his frustration about a specific project he was leading. 

The project was stuck in engineering for a long time. He asked what was going on but kept getting insufficient answers. At this point, he started feeling helpless. On one hand, he knew the project wasn’t in good shape and something needed to change, but on the other hand, engineering kept giving him fluff answers.

When I asked why he didn’t demand better answers or enter a deeper discussion to understand what was going on, he gave me an answer that I hear too often: it’s within engineering’s domain, and I don’t want to step on their toes. 

It does make sense, especially if you remember that he was the kind of guy that everyone loved working with and didn’t want to risk that reputation. But as it started limiting his ability to succeed in his own responsibilities, I knew he took it too far.

Of course, the idea of not getting deep into engineering’s work is not entirely based on cold logic. It is rooted deep in his (very nice) personality. This likability had most likely contributed a lot to his success. Not only professionally but in other areas of life, I’m sure. But as it stood, this likeability was now a limiting factor rather than a promoting one.

As he realized that, he understood it logically, but still didn’t know what to do next. He really didn’t want to step on engineering’s toes. So I gave him a challenge: I asked him to push himself into the matter as much as possible, to the point that people tell him that he really is stepping on their toes and ask him to take a step back.

I knew that if I just told him to start intervening in discussions his personality would win. To really change the behavior I needed to put the goal elsewhere and push the boundaries further. He accepted the challenge and guess what?

He was able to promote his project, but people actually liked his involvement as he was contributing to everyone’s focus and creativity (a likable person, remember?). Not once has he heard that he went too far.

Each one of us treats formal boundaries differently. Some of it depends on how these boundaries are presented, but a lot of it comes from within and from early childhood. 

As product leaders, if you ignore authority altogether, it will be difficult to work with you at some point. But I see far too many product leaders giving authority too much weight, to the point that it’s no longer productive and even harmful.

The example I gave above is about how you treat formal boundaries with your peers, but authority presents itself everywhere you look: upwards, sideways, and downwards.

Here is how you should treat each relationship to find the right balance between respecting authority and letting it fail you.

Challenge Upwards

The CEO, startup founders, or your management chain up to the CEO, have authority over you. That’s a fact. To some extent, you must let them lead.

But on the other hand, they need you there, and if you give too much weight to their leadership you can’t become their partner. Many of the companies that seek my guidance are companies where the CEO feels they know what is needed and wants to get things done. It often feels as if all they want is order takers who will do what they say.

But that’s neither scalable nor productive, and they know it. If you feel frustrated by it think for a moment about their frustration. They know it can’t work like this for long, but they see no other alternative. If you are just an order taker, they would need to micro-manage you forever. That’s not the leadership team that they need. Remember that if you respect their authority too much, you fail them.

And it fails you too, because eventually they will look to replace you or hire someone else to micro-manage you. A CEO once shared with me that in his relationship with product leadership, he feels that he is giving much more than he is getting. Ouch. It shouldn’t be this way.

Unfortunately, most CEOs don’t have the skills to guide you as to what kind of partnership they need from you. That’s why I created the CPO Bootcamp – to help bridge the gap between what your managers need from you and how effectively they can guide you there.

But with or without my help, remember that they need you even if they don’t call it out explicitly, so don’t be afraid to challenge them and engage in the discussion. I’ll elaborate on how to do it effectively next week.

Align Sideways

Do you ever feel that you are the only one who doesn’t get it? That you’re the only one who’s stuck, while your colleagues are already up and running toward their goals?

Well, think again.

As a product leader, you are in a unique position. You are at the heart of everything, which is what complicates things and often prevents you from moving fast, but it also gives you a unique point of view. From where you stand, you can see where the dots are not connected, and you need to call it out.

If you didn’t get where the company is going or why, most likely others didn’t get it too. Simply ask, and people will start sharing different perspectives.

Even if your colleagues are moving quickly in their own domain, it doesn’t ensure success. Because you and your colleagues succeed and fail together, no matter what people say after the fact.

If you build a great product, but it can’t sell, did you do your job? If they keep selling things that the product can’t deliver (either explicitly or implicitly), is that considered success?

And so, your job as a product leader is to (help the CEO) ensure that all departments are working together in the right direction, and not each on their own. I assume you see how this is related to authority: You don’t have any formal authority to lead your peers. 

But that’s the beauty of leadership: if you do it right they will follow, no matter what your title says. 

Don’t be afraid to call out when you see that dots aren’t well connected. You might be surprised to see that once you speak others start sharing their own challenges as well.

Lead Downwards

How can authority limit you within your team? You have full authority there, don’t you?

Sometimes, that’s exactly the problem.

Like your CEO’s relationship with you, it is easy to fall into the trap of giving orders instead of coaching and empowering your team. In other cases, I see product leaders who want their teams to be so empowered that they avoid giving any guidance at all.

The right balance is somewhere in between. People management is a profession in and of itself, and it often means living out of your comfort zone.

It is so easy to give answers and explain what you want done, but that puts you in a position where you need to do everything and make all the decisions. You know you don’t have time for that.

It’s also easy (in other ways though) to just give them general guidance and expect them to deliver what you imagined in your head. If only that could work!

To lead effectively, you need to articulate how you think, what are the considerations that you want them to address, request that they do the work, and iterate over it multiple times until it’s where it needs to be. It could take longer, but long term this is the shortest path to success.

So where does authority – yours or other people’s – limit you? It’s usually not the authority itself, but the way you work with this authority in place. The good news is that it’s in your hands to change that, so I encourage you to select one angle from the ones I listed above and make a change today. That’s what real leadership looks like.